Today I got fired, its a shitty feeling, having the big boss come up to you and say its not working out. Which I’m sure to most people who’ve been fired think its coming out of know where. This nearly broke me, I had just become comfortable at this new job, made some friends and once again back to square one. I packed up my tools, then said cya to the boys and then got in my car and started driving home. Not really knowing what to think, with a million thoughts going around my head, I wasn’t sure what to do next, but once again the Gold Coast had me by the balls and the grip was getting tighter.
Getting home I was greeted by my every loving girlfriend who I’m sure would have been freaking out about the state I would be in, but I was alright, somehow. The last year just becoming more and more testing had cause me to snap, my brain just stopped, stop thinking, stopped worrying and had gone blank. There comes a few times in life when you just realize whats the point, your beyond the point of breaking, it can’t get any worse than where I’m at now. Being at your bottom is a strange feeling, it sucks but at the same time it feels like a relief, because you know that it can’t get worse than right now. It brings a sense of calmness to your body and mind.
At this point I didn’t know what was next, but the calmness I felt was still there, something inside just thought fuck it, it’ll all work out, it always has eventually. Sitting down for about half an hour listening to music the phone rang, it was an offer for a temp job with a 2 week contract, then as I sat waiting for the paperwork to be emailed through, another phone call. Another job with a decent offer, at a good company with a promising future (well long enough for me to support me while I work on side hustles).
For the first time in a long time I feel like myself, the old me that knows it’ll all work out, put in the effort, sew your seeds and even though it might not feel like it, even though it may take longer than you want eventually it always works out as it needs to be. As someone who never stressed and doesn’t know how to deal with it well it sucks, its something I let get to me for to long and unknowingly it took over my whole life. Constantly puts a weight on your shoulders that doesn’t exist, that doesn’t need to be there, an invisible force that stops you from being happy and wastes so much fucking time.
This isn’t a happy ending for me, my journey has only just begun, Ive got a fire in me burning to achieve, to make a difference and leave my mark. I will be working hard to get out of the rat race, spending time each day working towards my goals of being free from the constraints of the everyday.